Where's the punchline?

If this is a joke, I'm not laughing. 'Cause it's not funny.

Leaving my favorite dog food store today I picked up a copy of a new magazine, High Desert Dog. Slick and glossy, interview with a local mayor, ads from area trainers and doggie day care providers... it looked OK. Until I see the headline:

Seven Reasons for Animal Birth Control

Uh oh. My anti-MSN radar started to twitch. Any chance this could be an article on actual birth control? A reasoned discussion on when it's actually appropriate to alter a potential canine athlete? Nope, none. Nada.

"2. Because there's no such thing as a responsible breeder. Even if you find homes for all your dog's puppies, you are still stealing homes from puppies who have already been born and are waiting for homes. Breeding animals is killing animals."

WTF?????????? This is so far from the truth it's difficult for me to pick a place to begin correcting the mis-information. Let's just pick apart two falsehoods in this idiotic paragraph.

Finding a responsible breeder takes effort, but can't be described as a hardship. It's simple: do some research. It's no more complicated than an internet search, a few e-mails, a few phone calls. Ethical breeders are bound to a code of conduct, spend time and cash to complete health clearances before a breeding, require a home inspection and detailed contract before letting a puppy go, and charge money for their puppies. Yes, one must have the fortitude to ask nosy questions and walk away from answers that one doesn't like. Yes, one must be willing to answer nosy questions and be prepared for rejection. Tough noogie, that's what it takes. Pick a breed that's suitable for your lifestyle, contact the parent breed club, talk to more than one breeder, trust your gut, and keep your fingers crossed. With luck, you'll get more than a great puppy, you'll get a friend for life in the person of the breeder.

And a dog from the shelter comes with... none of the above. Been there, done that; the most expensive dog I own is a shelter rescue. Health problems galore, no resources for information, and no end in sight. But hey, he's cute. We love him, but never again.

Second... killing animals. Seriously, could this be a little less inflammatory and a little more accurate? The truth about euthanasia in animal shelters and the reasons animals wind up in shelters are well researched and documented. Hysterical hyperbole is NOT helpful.

"3. Because when humans get raped, it's illegal! Whenever they come into heat, female cats and dogs have to fight off every male animal for miles around - and they never win."

If this weren't so insulting, I would find this laughable. (Any rape victim will rightly take offense at the statement.) If I could laugh I would, but only because of the pronoun error, and I'm no doubt being bitchy (The "they" at the end of the second sentence refers to the immediately preceding proper noun: "every male animal", though I suspect the intent is to refer to [supposedly helpless and hapless] "females" earlier in the sentence.). I have owned many intact bitches, and keeping them from being bred is a simple - if not always easy - management issue. Any breeder that has had a bitch refuse the chosen male, or suffered through a male with low libido, or any of a host of other problems, knows how utterly preposterous the entire statement is. Ever hear the expression "horny as a bitch in heat"? There's a reason... and the dining table isn't talking.

Finally, after #7 of this list's lunacy, in small print, came the source credit: PeTA.

Ah, I shoulda known. Consider the source, people. These whack-jobs are not funny, just flat crazy.